My theme is changing. My life is changing. Permission has been granted and my monastic lifestyle is fading into the past. I’m writing and finishing novels along with a rush of poetic inspiration. I’m not posting like I used too, but I’m working it and practicing and putting it all down. It might take me awhile, but keep a look out and expect more from me as this year matures.
I just released the second installment in the Fire Clothed in Skin Saga: Redemption of Fire. Its sexy, fun, adventurous and thoroughly entertaining. Thank you to Bellissima’s Wicked Graphics for such a provocative cover! She also helped me with the final edits.
I’m also helping a friend, the incredible poetess, Julie Anne Addicott of Heavenly Sins, get her first novel self-published. She is helping me with some stuff and a new website. Please follow us here: House of Payne Publishing
I’ve been going through some of my journals and un-posted blogs. This one was good and felt like a perfect explanation for where I went and why I left Facebook.
Like most, when I first started, I knew nothing. I learned as I went, and for a brief moment, I took on way more than could chew. I let in too many and ignored the negativity. I should have edited, cut, chopped and culled way sooner, but I didn’t. Once I decided it was time to change game plans, the hangers-on were numerous, and none understood, or they were delighted with what appeared my demise. Either way, it had absolutely nothing to do with me, or them caring about me.
I didn’t leave social media, I just left Facebook. And I didn’t really leave, I just stopped compulsively, insanely checking and responding to every single request. There was no balance in my life. I was pulled by every ding and beep and I began resenting the few who I should I have been cherishing.
Once I uninstalled and weaned myself away from what I can clearly see as an unhealthy addiction, my thoughts cleared. The sycophants dissipated in search of another shark to hover around, and I discovered I had only a handful of true friends. I only need a handful, and honestly, I don’t want to entertain anyone. A few self-contained, let’s talk briefly once in a while, kinds of friends are my ideal.
I hadn’t been writing; how could I when I had not one free moment of thought without interruptions? It wasn’t their fault, it was mine for allowing. Everyone wants attention, (except me), so I can’t blame them in the slightest. I knew full well what I needed to do, and I did it.
Now, a few months after uninstalling and logging out of social media, my head has cleared. I’m writing again, and I’ve come to realize I am a writer. I love the creation process. I love building worlds and carrying on long conversations with people who only exist in my mind. I’m a firm believer that the writing is the easy part, and unfortunately is only about forty percent of the entire process of being an author. Oh well. My new mantra is simply, “I’m not writing for anyone but myself.” I do still plan on self-publishing, and I will continue to populate my personal website with short works and poetry.
I will also continue to petition for patronage. I am an artist and I know I have a gift. I am a storyteller and I’m incredibly proud of what I’ve already produced. I feel I’ve written eight of the most unique fictional novels anyone has ever read. I deserve patrons and fans, but I will never again attempt to create them through self-promotion. I don’t see the point, and if I go that route, said new fans feel they have some say in when, how and what I write. They don’t and they never will. I am not writing for them, therefore, I am not beholden to their opinion. If I ever acquire patrons, I’ll write specifically for them, but until that time, I am considering myself a free-agent.
I gotta say, it’s liberating as hell to feel this way. Their opinion of me is none of my concern. I refuse to ever compete for attention. I don’t seek popularity and never have, in fact, if I suddenly find myself in a situation where I appear to be pleasing the masses, I feel I’m doing something incorrect. My message will never find a mainstream audience. I’m way too out there for most. My philosophy is heretic to some and downright blasphemous to others. This makes me smile. My goal is to throw a wrench into the globally downloaded operating system that most have on auto update.
I might write fiction, and yes, I am stuck in a genre full of fluff and fodder. It doesn’t matter because the readers who need my message, will find me. The rest can continue to blow bubbles and muddy the stream all they want. My stories are soul searching and introspective and my characters are evolving and changing creations. Unlike most adult human’s, my goal is to change and grow as much and as quickly as my dim intellect will allow.
I dare you to read my work and not feel. I have this sense the zombie apocalypse has already happened. I think most humans are already dead; their souls are atrophied, their hearts are withered, their bodies are numb, and their spirits are nothing but ghosts.
My mission is to offer some feeling to those who connect with my written worlds. I want their hearts to thump, their bodies to awaken and their intellects to ignite with questions and possibilities.
It’s a great thing to FEEL!