Dear Men…

I continue to get men who wish to interact with me, or “Get to know me.” If I send them away or ignore them, they say I’m a bitch. I’m really not, but I am tired and I’m all used up for this game of online ‘dating.’ So, here is my new, blanket response to anyone asking to chat.

I will also add, you might very well be a lost soul mate. I have been looking my entire adult life for this elusive creature, and so far, come up empty handed and empty hearted. I’ve found two possible candidates, both of which I gave all of my time and energy too. I put my entire self into getting to know them. One was utterly unavailable, and the other is a sociopathic narcissist. I couldn’t very well give myself to him, and in the process of that discovery, I decided I was done giving myself to anyone, and that means the time it takes for you to get to know me, or me you.

You might be an incredible man and you might be the one I was looking for, but sadly, I am no longer looking. I no longer believe in love the way I used to, and I think I’m too tired and too used up to try again. I’m sorry if it is you who arrived just a bit too late. My party is over.

For you younger men, I am 50. I know I don’t look it, but I am. Younger is not daunting to me, the last one I wore out was 13 years younger than me, but yeah, I’m 50!

To you older men, I’m not looking for a companionship type of relationship. I have that in the man I still call my best friend. If anything were going to sway me in a man’s direction, it would be the promise of an entirely passionate and torrid love affair, in real time, and not as a mistress or side-girl.

So yeah, there you have it. Nothing else to see here, move along people. But, for those who are determined, here is my form letter response to any new inquiry. Have at it. Just leave me out of the time-consuming equation until you have something to bring to the table apart from the mundane and normal. I am anything but vanilla!


*Yes, this is a bit of a ‘form letter.’ I really don’t want to be rude or dismissive, and I realize you might not detest social media quite the same way I do. You might thoroughly enjoy getting to know someone via messenger or chat, or comments on pins. I don’t. I used to, but I’m all used up in that department.

I am a writer and author, and for years, I spent many hours a day promoting myself via social media. I chatted with hundreds of people, and because some of my content is erotica, it somehow gives men a feeling of freedom to knock on my social media door. They think my openness about myself means I want to spend time talking to them and being provocative for their pleasure. And, I am attractive, so they all think I want attention for my looks, which I don’t.

I can’t take one more, “How are you? Tell me about yourself,” message. I hate talking about myself. I am the opposite of a narcissist, and honestly, I get bored with the blather of most and I include myself in that blather. I’m sorry, everyone seems about the same to me. I think that’s because I’ve literally heard it all.

Of course, at this point, you will say I’m a bitch. Perhaps I am, but I’m my own bitch and I don’t like wasting my time on anything ordinary and mundane. My life is full of the mundane, I want passionate and real and honest, or I don’t want anything.

And the newsflash of the moment is simply, I love being alone!!!

I will say, A few men have managed to find a way into my heart, and I am happy to chat with them on a regular basis. They said some magic combination of words that caught my interest and made them memorable to me. Whatever it was they originally said as an ice-breaker, made them individuals who stood apart from the crowd of normal men. I won’t tell you the magic combination of words, apart from, it was nothing to do with, “How are you? Tell me about yourself.”

I carried on a cyber-only relationship with a man for two years. I was monogamous with just him during that time, both in real time and cyber time. I know what it takes to have that kind of relationship, and I am unwilling to participate in that kind of thing again.

My new goal is for organic, authentic relationships in real time. I think it’s the hypothetical of cyber-land that leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

So, if you are getting this pre-written response to an inquiry to get to know me, here is a list of all my social media platforms. My BLOG is the real me and my real thoughts on wherever my life might be in that moment, and it goes back years and years.

My webpage, is chalk full of posts about me, my books, my poetry, and my life. There is also a menu with links to all my other pages and social platforms.

My Pinterest boards go back over 5 years of collecting pins about everything I love and how I think, plus quite a few boards full of my poetry, prose, and quotes.

And I have two FACEBOOK pages. My PERSONAL PAGE and my AUTHOR PAGE. Those I try and keep current, along with the attached pages I keep for my horse, and my other pets which honestly are my, “kids,” and you should follow those pages if you want to see what I’m doing on a daily basis, at least from behind the lens.

I’ve written one memoir, which is non-fiction and truly me down to my core. You can find it here: PEEING WITH THE DOOR OPEN; Not a love story.

I’ve done the work for you. Feel free to stalk me all you want. I’ve always attempted utter transparency in what I write, and post on my pages. It’s not always pretty, but it’s always me in that moment. Get to know me that way, and then come back and send me a message that gets my attention enough so I remember you. You’ll know you succeeded if I give you a direct email to reach me. Good luck! ❤

Thank you for your interest.
Payne Hawthorne


About Payne Hawthorne AdventuresinPayne

My strange life, my journey and life lessons. This blog feed is all non-fiction, real life, me, myself and I. This is where you will find the person I am aside from all my fictional books, stories and characters. This is Payne!
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